Let me paint you a picture. It's Monday, I'm at the office, pondering whether or not I'm going to head out on a brisk October evening to be one of the first to get my hands on Square-Enix's "Final Fantasy XII." I know I'm going to buy the game, I've waited for what feels like (and was) years to play it, and it's just within my grasp. But is waiting on a line at a video game store to pick up a role-playing game (an RPG, for the uninitiated) too nerdy even for me? Ha. No way. I was so there.

I called ahead, making sure that the game would be available when I arrived. It would be, and no, I didn't need a reservation. So patiently I waited, the hours ticking by ever...so...slowly. I was like a kid on Christmas Eve. I finally buckled and left the house at 11:30 to solidify my place in line. Here comes the depressing part.

I get to EB Games at around 11:40...and there's no one there. No fat kids debating which summon monster would look the best in a thong, not even one dude in a wizard costume. I was embarassed. Should I go in, forever solidifying myself as "that guy who couldn't wait?"Screw it, man, I was weeping like a baby way back when Aeris got run through after the first disc of "Final Fantasy VII" (spoiler alert)...I NEEDED this.

So I walk up to the door sheepishly, giving a little wave to the two people who got stuck there at the store that evening. They knew why I was there...I knew why I was there...The cardboard cutout of Mario rolled his eyes at me as I walked in. But what does he know? He hasn't even figured out that the princess has been doing Luigi since '87. Chicks dig green overalls.

Unfortunately, I couldn't purchase the game until 12:01. Apparently, store employees would be executed if the game was sold early. God HELP the poor souls who sell it at 11:58.

So I waited, and honestly the people at EB Games were really cool. We talked about the game, the new systems coming out...heck, I even got a bag full of demos for my trouble. The sly dogs even convinced me to pick up the strategy guide for the game, which I NEVER get. EVER. I'm glad I did though, since I would have been completely lost without it.

So I take the game home, rip open the wrapper and pop it into the aging PS2 for what both me and the system both knew to be our last hurrah together before the bigger and better systems down the line make it obsolete.

Right now, I'm about 5 hours into the game and...wow. It's good. It's got a revamped combat system (think "Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic" or "World of Warcraft") and a pretty kickass story as well. While Square still seemingly requires that all of its male protagonists be completely androgynous, the characters are a huge improvement over the bland gang from "Final Fantasy X." Honestly, if you're a fan of the series and haven't picked up this game, just get it. Don't think about it, just do it.

Lex Luthor, the greatest criminal mastermind that ever lived.

Happy Halloweekend everyone!

The bombastic bald blogger is back! It's been way too long Wortmaniacs...I've just been swamped with work, freelance writing assignments, tiring commutes and the like, but don't think I forgot about you. Does absence make the heart grow fonder? You tell me!

Anyways, I've been tuned in to a lot more television shows than normal. Oddly enough, I think that after coming in from NYC I honestly only have enough energy for one hour of tv before I hit the sack, which means that my usual nightly rituals of video games and caffeine just don't work anymore. Network TV it is.

It's not going to surprise anyone that I'm into "Heroes" already. After all, it's basically a TV version of "X-Men" with a whole bunch of different characters with different powers who are all connected in some way. The awesome thing about the show is that each episode is structured narratively like a comic book. Makes sense. They're both forms of serialized visual media. Also, some of the ladies on the show are pretty damned hot. Ahem. Check it out on Mondays on NBC.

"Heroes" is followed by "Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip," which wins the award for the most needlessly long title of the year. I tried, oh Lord did I try to enjoy this. It's basically a drama about the behind-the-scenes workings of a show that's kind-of-but-not-really "Saturday Night Live." The show presents itself as "high-brow," but it never comes off as anything less than pretentious. It's got a decent enough cast, but the dialogue...Oh, the dialogue! You can literally hear the sounds of keyboards whenever the characters open their mouths! People don't talk like that. And I'm not sure if anyone saw last week's episode (and if the continuously dipping ratings are any indication, even less of you will tune in next week), but the reporter character on the show really made me want to pull an Oedipus Rex and stab my own eyes out (too literary? My bad). What an awful way to squeeze out exposition. I'm gonna pass on this one from now on. Ya lost me guys.

"South Park" has been pretty damn good this season, with the season premiere standing out above the most recent two. In it, the boys are terrorized while playing "World of Warcraft" by a really nerdy high-level character, and end up training for weeks in order to finally beat him and save the world.....of Warcraft. It reminded me of season 8's "Fun with Weapons." I've also noticed that this season has a LOT of poop jokes. I was surprised, but then I realized that their most popular character during the first season was a turd with a Christmas hat on. Good show, Matt and Trey. Good show.

I'm beginning to realize that I'm a huge fan of October. Yeah, the weather starts getting colder and the Yankees occasionally disappoint their fans to a ridiculous extent. However October to me has always meant the countdown to Halloween. In a sense, October 1st marks the beginning of what I like to call "the Halloween season." It gives us all an excuse to eat massive amounts of candy, peruse the party stores for Halloween costumes, decorate our houses with rubber spiders and snakes (m*therfuckin' snakes at that) and, most importantly, watch horror movies.

Whether it's because of the adverts for the prequel (which I heard kinda blows)or just my affinity for power tools, I have really wanted to watch the original 1974 "Texas Chain Saw Massacre" for the last few weeks. Sure, I'd seen the glossy Michael Bay version from 3 years ago, but the general consensus is that the Tobe Hooper version is the real deal in terms of horror. The other day I, of course, picked up the new two-dics "ultimate edition." I'm so glad I did.

TCM is not a gory movie. Far from it. One would think that the unique combination of chainsaws and massacres would mean guts galore, but this thing is pretty tame in terms of all that. Instead, it's downright terrifying in its tone. As soon as the main characters pick up the creepy hitchhiker at the beginning of the movie, you get this feeling in the pit of your stomach that this is gonna be a rough ride. I'm not gonna spoil anything here, even though the film is over 30 years old. Anything I say will just ruin the experience. From Leatherface's first appearance to the imfamous dinner scene, you'll be on the edge of your seat.

What's scary about this film is that it focuses on a realistic group of psychopaths that could exist somewhere in backwoods America. These aren't supernatural stalkers like Jason or Freddy, these are seriously deranged people that happen to enjoy the taste of human flesh. Oh, did I mention the cannibalism thing? Well, there's that too.

The third (and allegedly final) "X-Men" film has made its way to DVD and, naturally, I picked it up today on my lunch break. Having just finished watching it I've gotta say I liked it a whole hell of a lot better the second time around. Don't get me wrong, I loved seeing "The Last Stand" in theaters back in May (I was one of those sad souls that cheered aloud when Juggernaut exclaimed "I'm the Juggernaut, bitch," but I wasn't the only one I'm sure). I think that this time, I was just able to enjoy it without pondering the baggage of the first two films in the series.

Don't get me wrong, I loved "X-Men" and "X2: X-Men United." Coupled with the "Spider-Man" movies, Bryan Singer's first two X-films helped make superheroes cool again on the big-screen. However, with Bryan Singer leaving the franchise for a superhero of a more...Kryptonian variety, fans became doubtful that the end of the "X-Men" should be helmed by Brett Ratner. This outcry from basements all over the country could be heard far and wide, as fans held up the original two "X-Men" films as works of art. The truth is, they're good...but they're not THAT good.

Allow me to elaborate. The reason why people loved the original "X-Men" in that glorious summer of 2000 (which consisted of me listening to "Californication" and "The Marshall Mathers LP" more times than humanly possible) was that it was able to take a seemingly unfilmable concept and place it firmly within the realm of reality. Colorful costumes were replaced by "badass" black leather outfits, the team was streamlined to feature less elaborate (IE expensive) mutants, and the plot wasn't as cheesy as one would expect from the genre. The sequel followed suit, upping the ante in terms of tone and characterization. Many compared it to "The Empire Strikes Back" of the "Star Wars" trilogy: A satisfying middle act that darkened the story and set things up for a thrilling conclusion. Many may also compare the "X-Men" trilogy to "Star Wars" in terms of its third film. Like "Return of the Jedi" before it, "The Last Stand" is lighter in tone and sometimes tries to cram just a little too much into the story in order to tie up all the loose ends. Here's what may shock people: "The Last Stand" is much more fun than the first two, and Ratner actually did some aspects of X-Men lore better than Singer, namely the action.

Calling Singer's X-films action movies is quite the stretch. It's negligible in the first one, and by "X2" it became obvious that he was trying. But I mean...come on. You've got people with claws, people that shoot lasers from their eyes, people that control the weather, people that write long blog entries...oops, nevermind the last one. My point is, Ratner actually lets these guys go at it, with some creative results. Wolverine is slicing up goons left and right, and Iceman finally gets the action scene that his character demands. You've got Beast (a blue and furry Kelsey Grammer) pouncing on bad guys left and right and...heck...even Kitty Pryde has a showdown with Juggernaut. The original basically just had Sabertooth making pissy faces at Wolverine in between some weak wire-fighting between Wolvie and Mystique....and something about toads and lightning, I don't think I got that part...

Speaking of Mystique..did I mention that Rebecca Romijn is naked sans-blue makeup at one point in this movie? See? "The Last Stand" keeps on giving.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that "The Last Stand," while lacking in the characterization and dialogue of the first two movies in the series, is still a whole lot of fun. I honestly can't wait to dive into the special features on this disc, and I don't dive into anything since that incident with the lobsters and the blindfold...and the...anyway...cheers gang!

"Jackass: Number Two" is everything you'd expect it to be, and isn't for the weak of stomach. No not because of the gross-out humor (of which there is a LOT), but because this film is painfully funny. You WILL bust a gut.

There were some notable skits in this film that absolutely top anything you saw in the first movie or the series. "Puppet Show" sets the tone, while the guys attempting "man fishing" will have you squirming later on. Can you milk a horse? Yes, yes you can. And you'll learn how, whether you want to or not.

A "Jackass 3?" Bring it on.

I just thought I'd add that, with this being an interactive addition to the blogosphere, I'd like to see more comments from you guys if only to let me know who's visiting. Feedback is always important.

-James

Good morning, Internets! It's the wee hours of the morning on Sunday, and inexplicably I'm already awake and updating my iTunes...figured I'd lay some knowledge on you guys.

I picked up a new video game this past week that I shouldn't have really enjoyed, but I ended up loving the hell out of it. The game? "Lego Star Wars II: The Original Trilogy." Those of you who know me know that I'm all over just about every game with "Star Wars" stamped on the front...usually. They have a spotty track record, but I have to say that Lucasarts has been pretty solid lately, particularly when it comes to expanding the "Star Wars" brand. "Knights of the Old Republic" anyone? It's easily the best single-player role playing game in the past 5 years (it's sequel just wasn't as good). Then there's the "Battlefront" series that's chock-full of pick-up-and-play goodness. In short, Lucasarts is pwning.

"Lego Star Wars" came out last May under my radar at least, and charmed the Chewbacca-themed Underoos off just about every other "Star Wars" fan out there. I didn't rent the game until "Revenge of the Sith" came out on DVD, and I was honestly pretty impressed. It had some interesting gameplay for a "kid's" game. It was worth a rental, but it didn't do it for me in the long run. Sure, Lego acquiring the "Star Wars" license was a great marketing move 7 years ago and continues to be one. But a video game? Ridiculous.

Then the sequel comes out, and I realized something: I can't resist a game based on the classic trilogy, especially at a discounted price. So yeah, I picked it up, and I'm not ashamed to say that it's hilarious.

The game allows the player to go through all through original films, where all of the characters and locations are rendered in Lego bricks. It's got the typical platforming game mechanics, requiring the player to use different characters' abilities to make it through each stage. It's unique, it's funny, and despite a lack of difficulty it's a blast to play. While there's no real challenge for the experienced gamer (as I mentioned, it's clearly aimed at the younger set), there's plenty of hidden features that should have fans coming back for more.